Arts and Science
Course Descriptions: Doctor of Ballot Counting (DBC)
Due to the decreasing ability of computers to count, and the increasing need for humans who can, we have introduced The Doctor of Ballot Counting degree. This degree is designed to prepare students for a career in counting tiny little holes punched (more or less) in a small card created specifically for being read by a computer. Candidates who are unable to successfully complete the requirements of the degree may petition for a recount.
DBC615. Basic Counting. The objective of this course is to acquaint students with the subject of proper counting. Students in need of remedial study will be given access to Sesame Street videos.
DBC630. Chad Recognition. This course will focus on distinguishing between an intact chad, a loose chad, a hanging chad, a dimpled chad, and a pregnant chad. Microscope deposit required.
DBC630. Chad Disposal. Students will be taught the most popular and effective methods for disposing of any chads that may have mysteriously appeared on the floor of the ballot counting area.
DBC640. Slight of Hand. The successful student will master the proper techniques of making ballots disappear, producing ballots from thin air, and dislodging chads from ballots using telekinesis.
DBC660. Mind Reading. A study of the psychic arts of divining the future, revealing the untold thoughts of others, and influencing the media.
DBC675. Pharmacology of Ballot Counting. Class participants will be taught to prepare the delicate mixture of caffeine, Valium and Visine needed to succeed as a long term ballot counter.
DBC699. Doctoral Dissertation. Fulfillment of graduation requirements subject to appeal by opposing parties.
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